Friday, August 19, 2011

My dear blogger friend Mandy of she breaths deeply  just did a post about being burnt out.  Ohh, man this post really touched my heart. Her daughter lilly is a few months younger then Jovi and I totally remember feeling the way she does now. 

Jovi is a super spirited baby. She has always been very very attentive, persistence, focused, Intense, super attached, very needy and doesn't like to be put down.  I never had experience with other babies so she seemed totally normal to me just constant draining work. She would cry when ever she wasn't being held. people would always remark on how good she was, and I would remark back that it was because she is in my arms. She refused to sleep anywhere but on me or Jesse. I never got a break If I had to pee it meant taking her with me or hearing her cry the whole time I was gone. Even at night I wouldnt get a break because she had to snuggle up right next to me using my arm as a pillow. If i would let her she could cry for hours and not give in to sleep.   It wasn't tell people started criticizing me and my husband's attachment parenting style that I started wondering maybe Jovi's not like other babies. I was so sick of hearing people say "stop holding her so much you're spoiling her, or just let her cry she'll fall asleep eventually."  I started to feel like a failure as a mom. why was she so needy? Why were my friends babies able to occupy them selfs. I would have given anything for Jovi to be able to self sooth for even ten mins. Was it something I was doing or not doing?  Did I need to let her cry more?

can you imagine that every time you got in your car!?!? She would cry like that every single time the entire ride. I felt awful not being able to snatch her out and cuddle her. 

  I did a little research and found out that babies, like adults have many different personalities. We were lucky enough to be blessed with a spirited, or High needs baby. 

here are a few examples of what I read about spirited babies.  

"The cry of a high need baby is not a mere request, it's an urgent demand. These babies put more energy into everything they do. They cry loudly, feed voraciously, laugh with gusto, and protest more forcefully if their needs are not met to their satisfaction. Because they feel so deeply, they react more powerfully if their feelings are disturbed." - Dr Sears 

Mothers of high need babies often say, "I just can't get to him fast enough." These babies convey a sense of urgency in their signals; they do not like waiting, and they do not readily accept alternatives. Woe to the parent who offers baby the rattle when he is expecting a breast. He will let you know quickly and loudly that you've misread his cues. The concept of "delayed gratification" is totally foreign to infants, it must be sensitively and gradually taught when the child is developmentally ready to learn it.- Dr. Sears 

Spirited babies emerge from the womb knowing what they like and don’t like and they never hesitate to let you know it. They are very vocal and even seem aggressive at times. They scream for Mum or Dad when they wake in the morning.- Tracy Hogg

I was so relieved! I wasn't failing as a mother. Knowing that it was all part of her personality gave me freedom. I no longer need to try and change her. I didn't need to feel like it was wrong or spoiling her to hold her all day and sleep with her at night. She wasn't being manipulative or controlling she just needed love and physical touch. 

between the age of 3-5 months was really hard for me. She demanded all of my attention. Once i started changing my outlook on it from feeling like i couldn't do anything but hold her, to, I'm am doing the most important thing right now pouring love into my baby, things got so much better. 

Now Jovi is 7 months old and I'm having the time of my life with her. She is still a High needs baby, but she is sleeping in her own crib and now that she is crawling she doesn't demand as much time in my arms. I cherish every moment that she does knowing that she is growing up so fast and soon the day will come where she cries when I'm holding her. 

What I gained so far that was being a mom is a constant learning experience. True it's hard sometimes to know if you are doing things the right way, but trust in your self. You know your baby better then anyone else does.  Let your house fall apart, order pizza and skip that shower if you have to just know that this first year will be over in the blink of an eye. 



Jennifer said...

I think I read that dr sears quote a million times during the firstfew months of being a mom. I too have a high need baby and I was going insane trying to figure out what was wrong and like you in the end I figured out I'm the lucky one and i was doing nothing wrong.I got a ton of criticism for always holding my baby and doing more attachment parenting things (like you guys)but I don't regret it for a second. Olive is almost 11 months and the smartest most entertaining thing in the world. Her personality is so beautiful, she is funny, and excels in so much and I totally think all the things my husband and I did attributed to this. She is beginning more independent and less needy(sometimes) but I love every second and wouldn't change it for the world. Aren't we lucky!

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amy jean
happily married, two amazing children Jovi and Nixon. living my dream life in Hawaii
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